Can I be a leader?

I am completely experiencing a cultural shock this week at Calvin. All stereotypes that I had in American education, culture and even Christianity utterly shattered. And I am moved by the shock that is encouraging and full of hope. I am grateful that I am here getting a Christian education for the first time, having discussions with Christian educators, and putting my goals on Christian values.
Keeping my belief on education in a city public school setting was not easy at all. I was disappointed and discouraged by its mechanical approach to the education and legitimate limitations I have faced in directing students. I was tired. I am not blaming anyone for it because it’s a massive chaos of the system and I was helpless about it. At the same time, there were still many things I could do in my little area that could inspire and guide students to the positive direction because I believed that Christians were supposed to be faithful in the area that they were placed. I learned to be distinguished, not separated from the world. But that was a lonely journey and I used to ask God to show me how I can go through this in American public school setting where multiple gods and no values were found. I wanted to take it as my mission field but I failed. I was becoming one of them, giving up my values, and chasing after my sense of accomplishments. Although things seemingly benefited students in many ways (getting into a better college and winning numerous competitions), I felt vain and ironically empty.
Then, I came to Grand Rapids and totally lost. The fake pride I had has turned into a sense of inferiority and depression. Part of it was because I wasn’t able to find a job and didn’t have a community to spiritually support me. Gradually I put myself together before God and saw that this process was necessary for me to see God again, not hopeless Soyeon. I was thankful again because I was able to focus on what God has promised to His people, not what powerless one can offer. During this course, when I tried to plug myself into all the little functions and roles of a leader, it was so discouraging and I didn’t’ think I could be a leader.
However, when we were talking about the vision of God’s Kingdom, my heart was full of excitement. The vision, the values, and leadership principles based on the Bible were so refreshing to me, almost new to me in a classroom setting. It was an eye opening experience to me. All the activities such as reading Bible together, sharing insights, and searching for the same vision that God has given us confirms that I am not alone, actually there are many out there struggling to make the learning environment more Godly. I receive great insights and affirmations from the class.
I also realized that God will lead when He needs to. I don’t have to worry about being a leader at this point. A leader is someone, who leads them into a new or better place. As a Christian, my vision is to lead people into God’s kingdom, especially in an educational setting. Then, my position wouldn’t matter as much as how I take them. Ultimately God will lead us to His Kingdom.